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BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE CENTER OF ALL THINGS AT THE CENTER OF ALL THINGS FOR THE CENTER OF ALL THINGS THIS EVENING A SPECIAL EDITION ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE COURT OF THE THREE KING DOMS NEWS IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PRIME TIME EMMY AWARD MAKERS: SAMUEL YALDABAOTH [PRESENT], KEZIAH MAZON [PRESENT], AND NULL [MISSING ENTIRELY] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WHATS UP YA'LL ITS YA BOY SAM BACK WITH ANOTHER ROUND OF NEWS FOR THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT. WOW THAT WENT FAST AYE? TAKE A BREATHER WITH US BECAUSE WE HAVE SOME FUN STUFF TO >UNCOVER< TODAY! IN JUST A BIT WE'LL HAVE MORE ON A MYSTERIOUS STORM THAT'S ABOUT TO HIT BUT FIRST, WHAT'S HAPPENING ON OVER AT WEST GATE? A TROUPE OF TRAINED GREEN SQUIRRELS WITH TOUPES ARE ON THE FRONTLINES IN FRONT OF A HERD OF OVERLY DRAMATIC PEAHENS WHO ARE UPSET ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO USE A 70,000 GALLON ONSEN. (OH HERE WE GO AGAIN) THIS WEEK ON THE MIRROR HERALD: IN A DRASTIC TURN OF EVENTS A NOREASTER FROM A MYSTERIOUS REGION ABRUPTLY CHANGES COURSE TO HIT THE THREE KINGDOMS, TARGETING, SPECIFICALLY THE ROYAL PALACE IN KOGURYO. BUT WHAT IS IT PEOPLE DO IN A SNOWSTORM FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME? SHOCKED MUMBLES FROM THE COMMUNITY HAVE SPOKEN ABOUT THE COLLISION OF MSFRIZZLE'S MAGIC SCHOOL CHARIOT AS SHE HAS LANDED FOR A TOUR OF WHAT HAS BEEN SINCE DUBBED AND I QUOTE "GOING UPSTREAM". AS THE STORM IS GUESTIMATED TO LAST APPROXIMATELY, /FOREVER/ THE WINDS SPEAK OF EVEN MORE ODDITIES OCCURING TO THE TUNE OF THE NEW MUSE BAND "NINE INCH NYARLATHOTEPS" PLAYING THEIR NEW HIT SONG "SMELLS LIKE PET ZIBONGS". WHAT THIS ENTAILS IS STILL REMOTELY INCONCLUSIVE BUT I HAD TO GUESS IT WOULD PROBABLY BE SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN THE LINES OF 'OH GOD PLEASE DON'T CALL SECURITY IF I EVER SHOW UP' AND ON THE COMPLETE OTHER SIDE OF THE SPECTRUM, WHAT EXACTLY HAPPENS WHEN TWO GOLDFISH DEBATE ON HOW TO TAME THEIR OWN SOURDOUGH STARTER SO IT DOESN'T KILL THEM IN THEIR SLEEP. NOW KEZIAH WITH THE WEATHER. AS WE MOVE INTO THE EMOTIONAL FORECAST SECTION OF OUR STORY THERE IS A 100 PERCEPT CHANCE OF DREAD, DENIAL, AND ACCEPTANCE FOLLOWING BY THE LOSS OF WHAT IS KNOWN TO BE GROUNDED AS AN ANAGRAMMED MAGIAN RISKS HIS OWN DUALITY IN MAN VS. HIMSELF. WHILE THE LOCAL MIRROR THERAPY GROUP HAS DUBBED THIS THE 'YOU CAN'T AVOID ME FOREVER TROPE.' RUMORS HAVE IT, THE DAY TIME LOOP IS WARNING THIS HAS NOW GONE IGNORED FOR TOO LONG AND RISKS 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, GET OFF MY PROPERTY, BUT FIRST WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TEA'. IN PREVIOUS OTHER NEWS IN THE PAST, THE FOURTH WALL NETWORK HAS OFFICIALLY FILIED A COMPLAINT AGAINST A WITCH WHO KEEPS TALKING DIRECTLY TO READERS. AS THIS STORM CONTINUES TO PROGRESS. ON BRIGHTER MORE DIRE TERMS, THE EMOTIONAL WEATHER NETWORK HAS ALSO NOW ISSUED AN OFFICIAL SHADOW ADVISORY WARNING ON HOW BODY DOUBLES ARE NOW COMPLETELY AND ENTIRELY REMOVED FROM THE EQUATION ? BECAUSE LETS FACE IT CHAT WAS THINKING IT ANYWAY. BACK TO YOU SAM WELL EVERYONE THIS HAS TURNED OUT TO BE QUITE A SPICY MEATBALL, THAT BEING SAID TO CONCLUDE OUR HOLIDAY SPECIAL, AND SPEAKING OF QUITE AN ADVENTURE AHEAD YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY... BECAUSE FIRST WE GONNA ROLL, THEN WE LET IT POP, GO, LET IT GO, CAUSE LETS BE REAL.. X GoNNa GiVe iT To Ya.. FOR THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND SPECIAL I'M SAM YALDABAOTH (and I'm Kazeyeh Mason - (WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP WITH THE BLOODY SNAPPLE CAP POPPING WE?RE TRYING TO DO SOMETHING HERE.) THANK YOU AND HAVE A GOOD NIGHT! | |