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I received the following in the mail today, from Xerath, currently in prison. On the envelope was a brief note asking for me to forward it here, so that's what I'm doing. ---- You wouldn't believe this - it was a surprise to me, certainly, and I've known a few undesireables in my time, heard many stories. People imagine prison currencies being things like herb pipe. Rice wine. Maybe even ordinary food items like noodles. But no - it's something different. Mackerel. It's disgusting, but high in protein (good for those of us trying to get stronger), goes as well as anything in soup, and doesn't go bad. As a result, in the grand halls of our esteemed correctional institution, where the currency of choice isn't coins or kindness but canned mackerel, I've ascended to what one might call 'Mackerel Mogul' status. It started with the first can of Mackerel I bought, when I heard BloodOfThor - or one of his many alter egos - had deposited some money in my commissary account (thanks, BoT). My hair was wilder than usual, and I needed a haircut. There's a person in here - weird person (Neina? something like that) - who cuts hair. But when I asked for them to cut my hair, they demanded mackerel. What the heck? Anyways, I went and bought my first can of mackerel and got my hair cut. Weird feeling. Anyways, once I knew that was how it worked, I knew what I had to do. I detest the thought of being average, obviouisly, so I knew I had to build a mackerel empire worthy of my exceedingly illustrious reputation. Here's how I did it. Step 1: Recognize Your 'Innocence' First, get wrongfully accused by a system more interested in playing 'keep away' with power than in justice. Remember, you're not here because you did something wrong; you're here because it's inconvenient for the people in charge to admit they did something wrong. Your first can of mackerel is not just your currency; it's a badge of honor. Step 2: The Economy of the Absurd Understand that in this microcosm of madness, where the guilty parade around in jewels and the innocent wear jumpsuits, mackerel is more than seafood - it's the backbone of your very survival. It's proof that value is assigned, not inherent, much like the titles and positions of our so-called leaders. Step 3: Rise Above... With Fish As you begin trading, remember every can is a middle finger to the farce that brought you here. You're not just trading fish; you're trading in the currency of mockery, showing them that even in chains, you can outsmart them at their best. Step 4: Cultivate Your Inner Circle Build alliances with those who, like you, recognize the theater of the absurd that led to your collective incarceration. Share your mackerel, but more importantly, share your laughter at the expense of those who thought they could silence dissent with bars. Step 5: Embrace the Irony As you sit atop your mackerel empire, reflect on the delicious irony. You, a mere pawn in their game of thrones, have managed to carve out a kingdom in a place that was meant to be your downfall. Each can of mackerel isn't just a meal; it's a testament to your resilience and a reminder to those in power that walls, bars, and demons can't contain the human spirit. Step 6: Plan Your Legacy When the time comes, and your empire is as solid as the cell you occupy, start planning what you'll leave behind. Not just a stash of fish, but a legend. A story that says even in the face of corrupt power, one can thrive, using the very chains meant to bind them as the building blocks for something greater. And so, my fellow inmates of circumstance, remember this: our real captors are not the guards or the walls, but those who wield power without conscience. But as long as we have our mackerel and our wits, we have the means to mock the madness, one trade at a time. | |