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Much consideration have I given to this task, and I admit it is a rather odd one - as a child at the mercy of the spirits, this particular one has always aluded me. Part of me feels great sorrow at this, but your letter had resolved that perhaps my totem spirit is too close to me to make contact. Perhaps the aether is a little bit too dense to see it. In any case, it is of great relief to know that you will be able to help introduce us, at long last. I did as requested, and after much personal debate, I bartered at the market to procure a token of Hyun Moo, who oversees the silent, peaceful night, and a key of the tranquil Pond. Hyun Moo has always accepted me, deep in the dark with the stars to guide my way. My inner Pond has been developed over the years, as I have grown to quiet my fears, my worries - oh, I still have them, certainly, but I remain calm as the surface of the Pond (lest someone throw a rock at me, naturally). Hence, these seemed the most fitting representations, so I gathered them up and headed to Nagnang's Memory Garden and found a lovely spot by the water. With the key of Hyun Moo in one hand and the key to Pond in the other, I sat cross legged, looking out across the water before closing my eyes. Waves of color passed behind my eyelids as I searched there for a glimpse of my totem spirit. Whatever form he took, he hid along the edges of my periphery - when my eyes darted to meet him, he was gone. With a sigh, the colors began to coalesce into a form. Oh, is this his way of biding me hello? Perhaps it was, because I was greeted by a shape that rose from the darkness budding below - a silhouette that looked like a leaf. Suddenly, I wished I had a better understanding of symbology, but common sense suggested some ideas at least. A leaf grows on a tree in the spring season, perhaps this is symbolic for growth...my growth? I still feel as a child, there is probably so much still to learn and experience. Just as blurry as it initially emerged, so too did it slowly fade from view; movements flitting at the edge of my vision draw my head to turn, even though I know it is only behind my eyes and not physically manifesting. All the same, the colors swirled as another form solidified out of the murky dark. This time, a feather. Yes, quite familiar, particularly since I have found my way home to the Mudang. The feather of the messenger, perhaps? Or from a common sparrow? Who can say. A feather floating on the wind, perhaps this is reminiscent of freedom, of weights lifted, of great heights? Again, the form dissipates amidst the swirls of pink and blue and purple behind my eyelids. I strain to catch a glimpse of the figure that taunts me, that hides from my view, but it remains aloof and secreted. The colors merge and overlap again, another form comes together in my mind's eye - a hammer. A hammer? Peculiar. I never have been one for physical toils, being young and (frankly malnourished and) lanky. A hammer! Incredulous, I can't resist a chuckle as the spectral swirls of color envelope the hammer and whisk it from my purview. ...A hammer?! I have no time to be amused, as another form begins to develop. This time, an apple. Well. This brings my thoughts back to the leaf I had originally encountered; the budding fruits of spring, the juicy, red apples growing on the branches of the tree, freely feeding the birds, the animals, the people of the lands. Does this mean I am the apple, to nourish those around me? A strange thought, and one that I did not entirely believe to be the case. What else would an apple represent? Sweetness? Or perhaps there is a worm at its core. (...) | |