My first day on the job, and I've already failed...
Should I ask my boss? No, that ship has sailed!
This figure on the slab that I was meant to raise
Has gone up in smoke, in such a fiery blaze.
That old dark ritual, the chant I was to say --
I must've gotten tongue-tied; oh, gods, what a day.
Now I have but thirty minutes before my boss is back
To raise a body from the dead (oh, gods, I'm such a hack).
I light a hundred candles to control the smell
And set my brain to conjuring from the deepest hell
A minion, a helper, anyone at all!
I just need one single soul to answer my call.
But my mind is blank and hazy; oh, gods, I need a nap.
Suddenly my boss's cat leaps onto my lap!
This cat is never here, you know; always at a grave
Stalking mice and rats who choose to misbehave.
"That's it!" I shout, and the plan unfolds so fast.
I run and run and run, so this day won't be my last.
There among the graves, I find the freshest of the bunch
And quickly begin to dig (working right through my lunch).
Oh, gods, this body's heavy! I simply must work out.
I have to focus on the task; there's no time to pout.
I lug the corpse back to the lair, in my apple cart.
Then slink right back to the lab (mind the poison dart!).
I heave the old burned body right onto the floor,
Replacing it with my new guest (tomorrow I'll be sore).
I force myself to focus, for time is running out
And I open up the spellbook and give a mighty shout:
"Demons! 'Tis I again, but this time I'll do it right!
One of you ascend, please, up into the light!
Do me the kindest favor that you have ever done:
Revive this fresh corpse here, and you can have that one!"
(For those of you who read this, I pointed at the floor
To the burned-out body; I won't need it anymore!)
A roar from every which-way filled our humble den,
And I saw a fearsome demon (that I hope not to see again).
The demon took one look and saw I was in a rush
So she lowered her infernal voice into a fiery hush:
"I'll do what you ask, but there's a price to pay --
I'll take your soul for my own on your dying day.
Just tell me your name, my dear, and the deal is done."
I gulped and hemmed and hawed; that didn't sound too fun.
Then I saw the spellbook, the inscription on its side --
And gave my boss's name! Would the demon know I lied?
She just smiled and nodded, and like that was gone --
The burned body, too; all smelled now as fresh as dawn!
The fresh corpse sat up and opened its murky eyes
Just as my boss walked in. I shouted, "Surprise!"